My brother and his girlfriend broke up... my mom said she saw him cry, but I didn't see it happen, but I can imagine it because I have seen him cry before.

He was listening to sad, sappy music all night and I couldn't help but laugh. I'M SUCH A MEAN SISTER. Maybe it's because they're only in highschool and I know it can't be anything serious... it can't be, right? Besides, I didn't like the girl much anyways.

I think I've gotten a lot more comfortable with myself. I know that sounds really weird. But I think I'm not afraid to be who I am now. When I meet someone, I'm just me. Back then, I'd try to be all nice and stuff and I wouldn't really say anything that might scare them away. Oh and I would try to hold back on my bubbly-ness. Yeah... LOL. But now when I meet someone, I'm just like, "OH MY GOD! I LOVE DBSK!!! YOU LIKE THEM TOO?!?!" HAHA. Oh well, I weed through who I can be friends with and who I can't. There's no point in trying to be friends with someone you don't click with anyways.

Okay, we have this physics assignment and we're meeting up on Monday. But the thing is, the meeting is from 2-4 and I can only come starting at 3. And they're like, "Oh, you can just come later then." I wanted them to change it to 3-5, but some girl has to leave at 4. So I'm just like, "Why do you guys accommodate her but not me?" Okay, I didn't say that because it'll be really rude but it's true! I know why though. Well, I know I'm probably the weakest out of the entire group because I have no idea what's going on in physics and she actually looks like she knows what she's doing. But still! I'm so upset. Whatever. I'm going to do the whole thing this weekend and when I show up an hour later on Monday, I'll prove to them I know what I'm doing. I hate people like that. I don't like people that underestimate me.

Physics, I shall do you today, tomorrow, the day after... I will do you at night. I will do you during the day. I will DO you all day. I will pursue you. I will understand you. And I will love you. I will LEARN to love you. And when April rolls along, I will break up with you and hate you. I will tell you that I played you, just like how I played IB MATH and FRENCH. Okay, get ready, I'm going to do you now.

Today I bought food from those fast-food truck places... and surprisingly, the food tasted better than I expected. I think I just found my new source of food. I don't need to bring a lunch anymore.

WHY DO THE MOST EMBARRASSING THINGS HAPPEN TO ME?
1. I walked in on a class that wasn't mine. So it was the first day of my CHEMISTRY tutorial, and I didn't know where the class was. So with 30 minutes left, I went to search for the class. Eventually, I found the building and I was trying to locate the classroom and the moment I hit room 2110 I just walked right into the room. OBVIOUSLY the previous class wasn't finished yet, so there was a brief moment of "what the HELL is the girl doing here?" and then the whole class started to laugh... and I walked out... looking like an idiot.

2. You know how all library entrance and exits have the pushy bar thingy? Three of them are for exits and the other three are for entrances. Predictably, I tried to enter through the "exit" bar and I had half the population at the library stare at my stupidity...

3. In math class...
Me: *I see Michelle* OH MY GOD! MICHELLE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!
Michelle: Uh... for math class?
Guy behind us: ...
My excuse was that I was just too happy to see her... so my brain went ecstatic with joy.

I've heard the word "sex" way too many times today. It's sex this, sex that... I know I should be mature about it but... DUDE, DO WE NEED TO USE THE WORD SEX WHEN WE'RE TALKING ABOUT PLANTS?! I don't think sex is the correct terminology... but I guess, it's the quickest way to say "intercourse" or "interchanging genes".

Oh, I have to tell you guys an interesting fact. Did you know that when praying mantis mate, sometimes the female will bite off the guy's head WHILE they're mating? I found that so disturbing...

The University of Toronto Campus Police and the Toronto Police Service is alerting the public to a sexual assault.

On Friday, September 19, 2008 at 4:00 am, a UofT student was walking in the Cecil/Beverley Street area. A man attacked her, dragged her and sexually assaulted her, then fled on foot. The attack is reported to have been extremely violent.

The man is described as white, 25-30 years old, 5'7" - 6' with a medium build.

Women should exercise extreme caution and be aware of their surroundings at all times.

During the hours of 7:00 pm - 12:00 midnight, students can call Walk Safer at 416-978-SAFE (7233) to be picked up from their location and escorted to any location on campus and surrounding TTC stations. (Regular walks and pick-ups can also be arranged ahead of time.) Escorts can be arranged outside Walk Safer hours by calling the UofT Campus Police at 416-978-2222

This is absolutely INSANE. I've always thought UofT is pretty safe... so much for THAT idea. I have that number saved onto my cellphone, I might need it considering that I have labs that end at 9PM!!! Argh.

I haven't bumped into him yet at UofT... I guess we're not destined to. But then again, I haven't bumped into Steven either... wait... that makes no sense. I don't want to bump into Steven. LMAO. Don't tell him I said that. I'm just kidding. I actually called him and stuff, like, I made an effort to try to see him but our schedules conflict so it's really really really hard.

I bought a SPICY ITALIAN sausage today... and I just felt my mouth go on fire the moment I bit into it. It was INTENSE. I'm never getting a spicy Italian ever again.

I promised myself that today and tomorrow is my CATCH UP day... I don't care if I have to pull all-nighters because I keep on getting distracted, but I am FOR SURE getting everything done.

I feel so lonely at UofT sometimes. I don't have friends I can actually really stick with. It's such an insecure feeling... we'll sit together in class and stuff but when class ends, we all run to our own separate classes and at the end of all my classes, it's either they still have class or they're hanging out with their other weird friends (no, I didn't put 'weird' in because I'm bitter, they're actually really really really weird). I KNEW I should've lived on campus. I still think highschool is much much much better. I know everyone likes university because of the freedom they get, but I think the trade-off still isn't worth it. Not for me anyways.

I really want to straighten my God-damn hair. I just... don't think $200 is worth it. I think I'd spend, at most, $150 tops on my hair. That's it. I can't imagine spending 200 bucks on keratinised protein filaments, in other words, hair. But I got permission from my mom and dad already, so that's all good. I can't believe I'm 18 and I don't get the freedom that I deserve. SIGH.

I hope I get the job so I can spend my money so much more freely. Right now, I'm sort of tight on money, especially after the textbook shit I had to go through. I'm hoping I can photocopy my lighter textbooks... it'll be so much cheaper.
---
A: Oh my God, UofT is so dangerous... sexual assaults right on campus?!
B: It happens everywhere...
A: And I have late classes too!
B: Don't worry, you won't get hurt.
A: Look, I know I'm strong, but I'm not THAT strong.
B: No, I meant... no one will want to touch you anyways.
A: ...*deathglare*

I have to stop going on his stupid facebook page. Every time I go on it, it feels like my heart breaks into a million pieces again. WHY IS HE ALWAYS HOLDING HER HAND?

ARGH. I hate this jealousy thing. I hate being jealous.

I failed. By one mark. I feel upset because I know I disappointed my parents, but on the other hand, I really couldn't possibly care any less. It's something that my parents wanted, not me. I hate it when I disappoint them. I think this is why I've never been a rebellious kid because I couldn't possibly stand disappointing them. My mom is the type of person that will say, "Oh, it's okay. Don't worry about it." But you -see- that look she has on her face that she can't possibly hide. *SIGH* My dad, on the other hand, is always like, "WHY?" Gosh, dad, I don't know. POSSIBLY BECAUSE I DON'T GIVE A SHIT! It's hard to explain, you know. I don't care how I did on the test, but I care about what my parents think. I know my mom and dad worked hard to raise me. They've always had a blueprint of what I should grow up to be like and I don't think I fit the model in ANY WAY. I just wished they would understand where I'm coming from.

I know it's hard to understand WHY I have to clean my room every other day. I know it's hard to understand why I must LITERALLY leave everything until the very last minute. I know it's hard to understand why I put my feet on the table, sprawl on the couch or slouch when I walk. But that's just me.
---

Anyways, on a happier note, I got a handout from some random dude at U of T about being a vegan. And inside the pamphlet had all these disturbing pictures of animal cruelty. Okay, maybe this isn't such a happy note. But now I've lost my appetite to eat meat. BLAH.

Anyways, I fail. I hate it when I disappoint my parents. I was ONE mark off from passing. Whatever. Moving on in life...

I love how the Robart's Library sometimes open 24/7 and in the middle of the night someone walks around to serve you snacks and coffee. Isn't that just wonderful service? HAHA. But I commute, it makes no sense for me to stay overnight at some downtown library. That's just insane. Besides, I've seen too many scary movies to be doing something daring like that. I'm afriad that some cold-blooded murderer will come in and torture me to death and all the lights will go off and the entire library will suddenly turn into the maze of doom... yep... too many scary movies.

Life sucks right now. Well, sort of. I guess it could be a lot worst.

OH MY GOSH... I was downtown the other day and I was looking for this hairdresser place called Goa, located on Bloor and Christie. I walked for like 30 minutes or whatnot and I didn't see the place AT ALL. Then I ran into this blind dude. To be honest, I don't know if he was actually blind or not, but his eyes were flipped and I saw the whites and he kept on chanting to me, "Can you spare a dime? A quarter? Can you spare a dime? A quarter?" And I was just freaked out and like ran. HAHA. Maybe if he was a more innocent looking blind dude, I would've donated something, but that guy looked like he was going to take my head off. Sorry. I should be nicer to hobos downtown. I think that's one of the things I don't like about downtown-- the hobos. I hate how they just sit along the streets with their caps/cups out on their hands asking for money. If I just walk by and don't donate, I feel really bad and guilty because here I am, getting an education, riding a TTC and VIVA and I get 3 meals a day (well, now that I'm in school and I have crazy lectures, I only eat 2 meals...) and I can't afford to give the guy 5 bucks? Well, the honest answer is yes, I can give the guy 5 bucks, but no, I can't do that everyday. And in one day, I'll pass by at least 5 hobos on the street.

Life's unfair to everyone... except for Yunho. His life looks perfect.

I sold my damn EAS102 textbook. Boy, does it feel good. I don't know why but I had this insane urge to sell it, probably because I don't need it anymore.

I envy the fact that he's taken. Well, I assume he's taken anyways. And he's going out with someone I know. I hate that. I hate it when the guy you like goes out with someone you know because then you can constantly compare yourself to the girl since you know her.

She's pretty. REALLY pretty. She's cute too. She's one of those small, pretty, cute girls that every guy would go for. Actually, when I was younger, I really looked up to her. I don't have a say in who he dates, but to be honest this time, there really isn't much to say. She's a pretty good match for him. I don't know why I've never thought of them together before.

They look SO cute in pictures. You know what they say, a picture is worth a thousand words. In this case, maybe two thousand. I feel like such a mean person when I think to myself, "I hope he dates a slut." Obviously I'm not saying that because I want him to be treated like a piece of trash, but because I know their relationship only would consist of "you-know-what" and before I know it, their relationship will be OVER.

I don't know why. Maybe it's because I like him now and I'm just cursing myself. But I think their relationship is going to last.
---

On a happier note, I took the subway downtown today and it was during RUSH HOUR. Like REAL rush hour. See, I've always THOUGHT I took the subway during rush hours but clearly, I've been wrong all this time. It wasn't until today that I learnt the true meaning of "rush hour".

I've never been so squished in my ENTIRE lifetime. Seriously, I think the number of people on the subway train exceeded it's maximum capacity. Like, I saw this guy completely flattened against the board by the doorway. And because it was so squished, the girl behind him must've thought he WAS the board, so she leaned on him and like... flattened him even more. HAHA. I couldn't help but laugh at that. I couldn't turn my head AT ALL. Like everytime I turned to see out the window (not that there was anything to see), I'd hit someone in the nose and when I turned back, I would whack someone across the face with my hair. Yeah, it wasn't a pretty sight. I am NEVER taking the subway during rush hour. And I will NEVER complain about crowded spaces ever again. Nothing could've beat that Hell.
---

DBSK's MIROTIC is so hot. I love their music video preview. Michelle told me that she saw someone who lives in her residence who looks like Max. MAX. AT HER RES? She told me that he's Korean, which makes sense. OH MY GOSHH, WHY DIDN'T I RES AT INNIS? Probably because I didn't know a Max-look-a-like would be there. Oh well, he's probably taken anyways. Besides, just because he looks like Max doesn't mean he'll act anything like Max or even be half as talented as him. Psh. Max, you're still number one, despite the clones out there. Don't worry. I won't marry anyone else. You're stuck with me. MUHAHAHA.

1. The internet is really really slow. I don't know why.

2. Everything is slowly falling into place.

3. I need to sell my EAS102 textbook. ARGH. I don't know why it's bothering me so much, I just want to get rid of it.

4. I miss him so much. Well, I "think" I miss him anyways. Whenever I'm really stress, I always start missing random things and I start to feel really depressed which makes my life, at that moment, so much harder than it needs to be. Yeah, my brain likes to do stupid things like that.

5. I finally added him on facebook =). Now, I'm just waiting for him to accept.

6. Yesterday I went into the commerce building and down on this bulletin board it had a sign-up sheet for commerce people to join athletics. I knew he was athletic so I checked the list and my friend was beside me so I was like, "OMG THEY HAVE TO SIGN UP WITH THEIR E-MAIL and PHONE NUMBER! If I find him on the list, I can get his e-mail and number!" Then there was a guy beside us, who was JUST about to sign up because we saw him holding a pen, and he was hesitating after we said that... LMAO. No, I'm not stalking him at all... ^.^

7. "Who needs sex? U of T fucks me everyday." O_____o HAHA.

8. I want ice cream.

9. I'm serious. Hopefully, that's a good approach?

1. I'm tired as HELL.
2. My wallet really really really hurts.
3. Trying hard to let it go. ALL of it go.
4. You're the only road I know.
5. Happy note: Strawberries. HMMM.

Finally... I attended my first lecture, I ran my first block to get to my class, and I climbed my first set of stairs to get a seat in an auditorium.

University is harsh.

I knew it was going to be hard but I didn't expect it to be THIS hard. Like... my classes are so spread apart, it's so hard to get seats when I get to my next classes. And even when a friend saves me a seat, I have to like push, bump and squeeze my way in, earning me a gazillion glares from other students.

HERE'S MY DAY:
So my day started off at 5AM in the morning. I woke up, got ready and got downtown by 8.

My first class: Calculus. Ew. I guess some things just never change. I'm always going to find math boring and stupid. The teacher is HORRIBLE. He talked and wrote on the overhead at the same time and used all these big words. God! It's our first day back, take it easy on us. But hey, I was surrounded by NERDS. I'm sure they ALL understood it. Domain? Range? I didn't remember. Well, I didn't remember it at first but once he defined it, I remember. I just needed something to jog my memory. Surprisingly, Michelle is in my class... I didn't know that. Pleasant surprise.

Then I walked over the Convocation Hall for Biology. I thought I'd be able to get there in 10 minutes. And I did. But there were no seats left. I had to climb up a set of stairs and sit in the balcony. Thank goodness it was still a good view of the board and the teacher spoke loud and clear enough.

I had PHYSICS next. It took place in the same building so I didn't have to move much =).

After that I sprinted over to Chemistry. Thank God I had a friend save me a seat there. LOVE YOU BRINA. Chemistry. Chemistry. I think I'm going to like this teacher more than Rozen though. He looks like he knows what he's doing and he's nice. I think. I'm not sure. It's only the first day, he hasn't taught any content yet. But then again, any Chemistry teacher would probably be better than Rozen. It doesn't take much to be better than him.

After is East Asian Studies. The course of HELL. Not only do I have to run a block to get to that course, it's my last course of the day which means I'm beat tired and HUNGRY! I thought I'd get there in 10 minutes if I REALLY REALLY REALLY run it. WRONG! It already took me 5 minutes to GET OUT of the Chemistry class and of course 10 minutes to run there. So I got there 5 minutes late. And I had to settle for some crappy seat at the VERY VERY back of the auditorium. And the teacher didn't use a microphone, so I didn't hear a damn thing he said. Like... WHY WOULDN'T HE USE IT?! RETARD! And the building is RIGHT beside a subway station, so everytime a train went by, the building shook like it was going to collapse and the teacher's voice was just muted by the rumbling noise (not that I heard much of him without the train sounds). So I decided, I'm going to move that class from 1-3 to 5-7. I -NEED- to get a front-row seat for his class. I can't be late for this stupid class. And it's HISTORY too. HISTORY.

HISTORY + Can't hear teacher talk + lots of hot guys around = FAILLLLLLL

Yeah, did I mention I FINALLY got my dose of hot guys at U of T. It turns out they're all hiding in the East Asian Studies department. *SIGH* SO CUTE. SO CUTE. I should get to know them. I hope the teacher has lots and lots of group projects.

Okay, that was my day. I have to get textbooks. I HAVE ONE DAY TO GET TEXTBOOKS! WHAT THE FUCK?

Conversation of the Day
Steph: So did you pass your G?
Brina: See, the day I took the test, I was driving behind a person who was ALSO being tested for their G liscense but they were driving so slow... so I couldn't even drive at 100 so... I didn't get a chance to show my skills...
Steph: So... did you pass?
Brina: I think the teacher got really scared while I was driving because I was trying to drive at 100 and I was like 1 meter away from the car in front of me and the teacher kept going "ease up, ease up".
Steph: HAHAHA. So... did you pass?
Brina: Yeah, yeah. He said, "I didn't really get to see you 'drive' on the highway because of the driver in front of us, but I'm going to pass you. Just try to stay off the roads."
Steph: HAHA.
Brina: Whatever. I don't usually drive anyways.

Tomorrow school starts. Damn it. I changed my courses!!! I still end at 9 on Wednesdays but on Mondays I can finish at 3 =). And I have some stuff on Thrusdays now since I couldn't get rid of the stupid FLCs thing. Whatever. I'll just keep it. Maybe it'll be easier for me to make friends.

So my brother is 16 and he's learning how to drive so my dad is teaching him. My dad told him that he is a better driver than I was when he first taught me. LIke... what the... What kind of a statement is that?! I was an AWESOME driver from the beginning. It bet my brother is just better at it because he's been in the car with me when I was learning to drive and he was able to catch on some tips. Bottom line: He's an awesome driver now because I was an awesome driver when I started. =) LOL.

I haven't been eating much but I've been gaining so much weight. Maybe it's a sign I should get off my ass and work it.

I haven't gotten all my textbooks yet. I'm planning on snagging last minute deals first because I'm not made out of money. I hate all these "edition" thingies. Why can't authors just write ONE textbook and stick to it. Is the first and second edition REALLY going to make a difference?

I promised myself to finish transcribing WHY DID I FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU by the end of the summer, but it doesn't look like it's going to happen... I'm too lazy to finish. It's so tedious because the song moves so fast but the accompaniment is so slow... argh.

I have nothing else to blog about.

Dear Changmin,
You're still my favourite.

November. I hope by then it won't be too late. November.

I know once school starts I'll be so busy that I won't even have time to worry about stupid things like this.

I need new friends. COOL NEW FRIENDS. Okay fine, I admit I did meet one or two normal people but it's not like a perfect "click", you know what I mean? Like, I can't imagine hanging out with them, msn-ing them and stuff like that. They're like the sort of people I can go out for lunch with and hang around the campus with but that's about it. Poor me =(. Maybe I would've met cooler people if I lived on residence. Boo-hoo.

I know some dude that's going to UTSC and he's also commuting which I find INSANE because it's so much farther. So now I don't feel so sorry for myself. I don't have it THAT bad, some people have it worst. Like I said before, everything in life is based on relativity. Wait, let me re-word that. MY LIFE is based on relativity. Psychologically, physically, emotionally, and everything I go through in life is based on relatively. I don't know if that's a good thing or not :S.

University is going to start REAL soon. I've decided to give one FINAL post on IB.

These are quotes/jokes I've collected through the years. I'm sure you guys have heard all of them before.

1. I used to have a life. Then I started cheating on it with IB, and so me and life got a divorce.

2. When asked to comment on IB, a student replied: "I'd commit suicide but I don't have the time."

3.
Teacher to Students: Now write your name on this notecard.

Student 1: OK
Student 2: This is easy!

IB Teacher to IB Students: Now write your name on this notecard

IB Student 1: How big?
IB Student 2: Which corner?
IB Student 3: Cursive or print?
IB Student 4: Do we need to put our whole middle name or just our middle initial?
IB Student 5: What if we don't have a middle name?
IB Student 6: Is pencil okay?
IB Student 7: Do you want it on the side with lines or the blank side?

4. The International Baccalaureate: The only educational program owned, run, and sponsored by Satan himself.

5. History teacher: "By the end of IB, you're going to know Stalin better than your own grandfather!"

6. The number 45 never looked so high until now...

7.
Mom: You have a D in French!
Student: Yeah, I know. It's okay.
Mom: It is?!
Student: Yeah, everyone else has a D too.

8. To be or not to be? That is the question. If you choose to be, don't choose IB.

9. Chemistry Teacher: You guys will start the group 4 project next week. You will learn how to socialize with others and have fun.

10.
During a math class...

Student 1: God, you're stupid! How can you not get this quadratic?
Student 2: Suck my parabola!

11. IB stands for internationally bitch-slapped.

12. You know you're in IB when you'd rather lose an arm then your math portfolio.

13. Life is like a box of IB HL Chemistry. You never know what you're gonna get, but it'll probably suck.

14.
IB student: So yesterday was the worst day of my life.
Regular student: What? Oh my goodness! What happened, are you ok?
IB student: Oh yeah, when you are in IB the worst day in your life happens like everyday.

15. IB students don't procrastinate. We just have an acute sense for prioritization.

16.
8-year-old kid: "twinkle-twinkle little star, how i wonder what you are..."
IB student: A massive ball of gas burning millions of light years away!

17. You know you're in IB when you talk about something out of school and it still somehow relates back to IB.

I'm at a complete lost. I don't understand what I'm feeling right now.

I'm happy that school is about to start. It means that I'll have something to do with my life again. It means getting into a regular routine. It means meeting new people, seeing new things, and learning so much more. I'm very excited that all this is happening. But... I sort of want things to slow down again. I know I had like 4 months of vacation, but I still can't get my brain to settle into the fact that I'm -18-, a -university- student, and I'm moving onto a whole new stage in my life. I guess it's because I've LITERALLY been at home for 4 months. I haven't really "said goodbye" to any of my friends. Everything is sort of... the same?

I remember how to calculate MATRICES on my graphing calculator! I'm so proud of myself. Anyways, I've been re-organizing my room and the den because I don't want to be doing that during the school year. I still don't understand my timetable. I don't know when I have my labs and when I have my tutorials. They all start on different weeks and they ALL alternate on different weeks. WHAT THE HELL!? I'd rather just have them all start on the SAME week and have the damn sessions EVERY SINGLE freaking week. GEEZ. Whatever. It's not like I'm pleased with my schedule in the first place. All the running around...

Tomorrow I have to pay my fees... I hope it all works out. Why do I have a feeling something is going to go wrong? I hope it doesn't rain tomorrow... but my bones are telling me otherwise.

Okay, I'm ALMOST done transcribing WHY DID I FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU. It's taken like... 4 damn weeks. After transcribing, I have to learn how to play it... which will probably take another 4 weeks.

I'm waiting for my piano exam results... I don't know why it's taking so long. I REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY hope I pass, so I can cross the item off my TO-DO LIST.

---
I know I've turned into a complete bitch. I've blocked you on msn, deleted you off facebook, and cut off all communications from you. It's cruel, I'm sorry. But honestly, I just can't stand you at the moment. I don't know why things have turned out this way. I know we promised to keep in touch and everything but I can't make myself do it. Maybe it's your insecurity that scares me. I mean, when you were here with me, you didn't know who you were. All you knew was who you wanted to be. Now that you're all the way over there, you've probably moulded yourself into someone completely different. You probably squeezed yourself into a niche that doesn't even fit you in the first place. With almost no doubt, you're probably someone I won't even recognize anymore. Not to say... that I "knew" you in the first place. I thought I'd miss you a lot when you leave, but to be honest, when you left, I didn't even remember the date. It doesn't feel different now that you're not here. In fact, it feels... better? As your friend then, I had the responsibility to listen to your rants and your dreams and your who-knows-what-else. Now that you've left, I've taken the opportunity to just cut all ties and free myself from all the things that I was regretful for. Don't get me wrong, I don't hate you.

At first, I thought I didn't gain anything out of our friendship(which is politically incorrect). But I did. I learned that I was more influential than I thought I was. I learned to listen and keep my mouth shut (not that you would listen to me even if I wanted to talk). I learned that I had a much higher tolerance for annoying, selfish, arrogant people. And I learned that selfish people will ALWAYS be selfish. So I guess it's true, you really can learn something from everyone.

I remember ranting to you that I might be a hobo one day. And you told me that even if I were to become a hobo, you'd still be my friend and give me a job. You probably won't read this, but I'm here to tell you that that's not going to happen. I can't guarantee that I'm not going to be a hobo, but I can certainly tell you right now that I don't want a job from you. Even if I die of starvation, I wouldn't beg you for a single penny. I'd rather slave away at some shady restaurant cleaning the washrooms rather than work for you in some high-paying office. This I pledge to myself and my dignity.

I can't say we were "friends" because honestly, I STILL feel everything was all one-sided. But as an acquaintance of yours, I do wish you the best for the future. I've always wished you good luck but you've always told me that you didn't need it. So this time, I'm going to save it for myself.

---
Missing your Neanderthal face.

---
Knowing is better than wondering,
waking is better than sleeping,
and even the biggest failure
beats the hell out of never trying.

I can't wait until November, it'll probably be the happiest day of my life.

I'm not ready for school. In fact, I'm sort of dreading it. I'm sort of excited about meeting new friends, more freedom, my lovely free days to do whatever I want, but then again, at the back of my head I remember the pressure and stress of university life.

4 years of university turned one of my cousins into some insomnia freak. But then again, she went to Western, so she probably partied and studied like an animal and just didn't sleep at all. I haven't TOUCHED a single subject yet. Well, I "sort" of looked over Bio because I was watching Moonlight Resonance and someone said that people with BLOOD TYPE O can't give with to BLOOD TYPE AB. And I was all like, "REALLY?!" So I went to check my books... and they are correct. HAHA.

37 Brookshire Circle.

I miss him.

I can't get him out of my head. I'm always just "thinking" about him.

I think about his stupid stupid stupid smile. He's got a big smile. You know the ones that like cover half your face, yeah, he's got that kind of a smile.

I think about his shoulders-- his broad, sturdy shoulders. He looks like his can support the entire world on them.

I think about his arms-- his ever so perfectly toned arms. The same strong arms that lifted me up when I couldn't support myself.

I think about his bad grammar. It's the way he talks that makes me laugh and giggle over everything he says-- with that stupid stupid smile of his.

I think about his versatile writing skills. I don't understand how he can write so neatly on the blackboard but scribble like a 5-year-old on a piece of paper. I love the way he never wastes a stroke, the way his letters just seem to perfectly fit on every line.

I think about his clothes. I like how every piece of clothing of his is labelled with Billabong. I love his dark green swimsuit. I think about the size of his t-shirts-- and how big they have to be in order to fit his broad, sturdy shoulders.

I think about his scent. It's not strong or bold but it's memorable. It's not memorable in the way that you remember what it smells like, but in the way that you'll know it's him when you smell it. The scent isn't popular enough for me to pin-point the brand, but it smells familiar.

I think about his ghastly laugh. I think about the way he's laughs at me and not with me-- and his stupid stupid smile that comes with it.

I think about his last name. His last name is so unheard of. It's the total opposite of "Smith". I think about where he comes from and where his ancestry goes back to.

I think about his sisters... and how lucky they are to have him as a brother.

I think about how he randomly met my dad and brother. I want to know what he thinks of them.

I think about where he's born. How can anyone be born at such a random cold place? But I guess it's possible... after all, it's him.

I think about his kick and pull in the water. I admire the way his legs seem so dynamic with the water as they effortlessly glide him lap after lap. I admire the way his arms never seem to tire out. I laugh at the thought of him struggling to carry a 200 pound man by the hips.

I think about his popularity. He's loved by everyone. Anyone. I envy how lovable he is.

I think about the fact that we go to the SAME university and the SAME campus. I can't help but wonder if we'll ever bump into each other there. What would I say to him? Should I pretend not to be happy to see him? Should I tell him how I'm doing? Would he care?

I think about his friendster page. I can't get the status "in a relationship" out of my head. It's been two years, maybe he just hasn't updated his page? I pray that he's single, not because I think I'll have a chance, but because I can't bare to think of him with any other girl.

I think about his facebook account. Everyday I would search him up and sit there in front of the computer screen, debating whether or not I should add him as a friend. Would he accept? What kind of message would he get?

I think about the time he told me he had "critical incident stress". Was it because he was worried about me? How many times did I cross his mind that night?

I think about our times-- the times that he's probably forgot about. I still remember the jokes then. I remember "getting over" them. I remember "putting them away" because I thought I'd never see him again. I still remember the soundtrack-- Miracle by Cascada.

I think how about we met again-- supposedly but randomly at the same time. I think about the way he looked at me when he saw me again. I keep asking myself if that "look" meant anything.

I miss him. I wonder if he thinks about me.